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Jokes Forum Looking for a laugh and a giggle ? Post your jokes and gags here. Please add *Adult* to the subject title if the joke is of an adult nature. Anything obscene will be removed immediately.

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Old October 22nd, 2006, 10:33 AM
black mirror black mirror is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2006
O/S: Windows XP Home
Location: In the African bush studying the wildlife
Posts: 8,240
You know you've been out of Uni TOO LONG if ....

Your potted plants stay alive.
Having sex in a single bed is absurd.
You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to sleep.
You don't volunteer for clinical trials at 20 a jab.
You know all of the people sleeping in your house.
You hear your favorite song in the lift at work.
Informative TV does not include Richard and Judy.
The bank manager doesn't write threatening letters any more.
You carry an umbrella.
Seven day benders are no longer realistic.
You don't go to Tescos with all your friends.
You have standing orders and direct debits.
The heating works in your house.
Your friends marry and divorce instead of get together and break-up.
You pay the government thousands of pounds every year.
You go from 130 days of holidays to 20.
Jeans and a jumper no longer qualify as 'dressed up'.
You're the one calling the police because those damn kids next door don't know how to turn down the stereo.
You get out of bed in the morning even if its raining.
Washing up is not an annual ritual.
Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
You don't know what time the kebab shop closes anymore.
Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
You feed your dog Pal instead of McDonalds.
You don't get ideas for drinks from local tramps.
You don't put half finished curries in the fridge to eat later.
You don't spend half your day strategically planning pub crawls.
You "hate scrounging students"
You no longer have a strange attraction to road signs when drunk.
Sleeping in the lounge is a no-no.
You can't persuade your flatmates to 'Drink till dawn'.
You don't spend Wednesday afternoons in the pub.
You always know where you are when you wake up.
You no longer take naps from noon to 6 p.m.
A fire in the kitchen is not a laugh.
You go to the chemist for Panadol and antacids, not condoms and pregnancy test kits.
A 3 bottle of wine is no longer 'pretty good stuff'
You can remember the name of the person you wake up next to.
You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.
You don't have mice living in your kitchen.
Grocery lists are longer than pot noodles & cans of lager
You don't go to Liquor Save to buy Vodka.
You have hoovered.
Breaking the law means doing 40 in a 30 zone.
'I just can't drink the way I used to' replaces 'I'm never going to drink that much again'
Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
You don't experiment with banned substances.
You don't get drunk at home, to save money, before going to a pub.
You can remember what you did three weeks ago.
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