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  #1  
Old April 23rd, 2006, 06:25 PM
black mirror black mirror is offline
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Have you a favourite poem??

My Computer Crashed And Died Today - poem

My computer crashed and died today
And I thought, "oh well what the hey"
Now I'd have time to clean my house
And see if I still had a spouse

It started out with weird frustrations
Combined with mild heart palpitations
And then my ankles began to swell
Withdrawal symptoms from no AOL

Chills ran up and down my spine
Oh, God I had to get on-line
To greet my buds and check my mail
I began to feel helpless and frail

Then I remembered the Good Guy's Store
And all those computers by the door
I'd go there and when alone
With no one looking I'd sign-on

I stepped up to a computer, clicked on AOL
The Sign-On screen came up, man it sure looked swell
I clicked on the Guest name, then came the modem sound
I was having cold-sweats, as my heart began to pound

Then I typed my password, and the computer said, "Goodbye"
And that's what I kept hearing each time that I would try.
This was just an evil plot, the store was playing tricks
If only they had known how bad I need my AOL fix

I ...slowly... typed... my... password... then...I... stood....and...waited
The darned thing said , "Goodbye" again and I got real frustrated
That's when I shoved the keyboard thru the monitor screen
And the last thing I remember is my loud shrieking scream

When I woke I was handcuffed being booked
I think I asked the data entry cop, if he'd get me a drink
Now I'm sitting in his chair, and I know I can get well
If I can just use his computer to sign on AOL.
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  #2  
Old April 23rd, 2006, 06:37 PM
Slogan's Avatar
Slogan Slogan is offline
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AOL has many users,
Most of which are f'in losers,
It's unstable and it's not fine,
Many changes needed, at America-On-Line.

Then there's Bill and his no frills O/S,
Which many people believe is a mess,
It's non-secure and 'causes baffle,
*posh accent* Maybe it's time I joined Apple.

Is it right or should I plot Apple's demise?
Join another force, yeah! Become part of the Linux guys!
Loads of fun and thousands of tools,
It'll beat those 'Vista sidebar gadgets'...Fools...

Either way if I have problems I'll join the CTHS forums...
...And discover more words that rhyme with...forums...

--

Irony being, that I actually have an AOL connection.
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  #3  
Old April 23rd, 2006, 06:44 PM
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degsy degsy is offline
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WHY COMPUTERS SOMETIMES CRASH....

Dr Seuss Explains Why Computers Sometimes Crash:

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
and the bus is interrupted at a very last resort,
and the access of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.
If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
and your data is corrupted cause the index doesn't hash,
then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash!
If the label on the cable on the table at your house
says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
but your packets want to tunnel to another protocol,
that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,
and your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,
so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse;
then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
--cus sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!
When the copy of your floppys getting sloppy in the disk,
and the macro code instructions cause unnecessary risk,
then you'll have to flash the memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM.
Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your Mom!
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  #4  
Old April 23rd, 2006, 06:53 PM
Nick Grana's Avatar
Nick Grana Nick Grana is offline
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An Ode to Spelling Checkers
I have a spelling checker
It came with my PC.
It plane lee marks four my revue
Miss steaks aye can knot see.

Eye ran this poem threw it.
Your sure real glad two no.
Its very polished in its weigh,
My checker tolled me sew.

A checker is a blessing.
It freeze yew lodes of thyme.
It helps me right awl stiles two reed,
And aides me when aye rime.

Each frays comes posed up on my screen
Eye trussed too bee a joule.
The checker pours o'er every word
To cheque sum spelling rule.

Bee fore a veiling checkers
Hour spelling mite decline,
And if we're laks oar have a laps,
We wood bee maid too wine.

Butt now bee cause my spelling
Is checked with such grate flare,
There are know faults with in my cite,
Of nun eye am a wear.

Now spelling does not phase me,
It does knot bring a tier.
My pay purrs awl due glad den
With wrapped words fare as hear.

To rite with care is quite a feet
Of witch won should be proud,
And wee mussed dew the best wee can,
Sew flaws are knot aloud.

Sow ewe can sea why aye dew prays
Such soft wear four pea seas,
And why eye brake in two averse
Buy righting want too please.

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  #5  
Old April 23rd, 2006, 06:57 PM
Slogan's Avatar
Slogan Slogan is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nick Grana
An Ode to Spelling Checkers
I have a spelling checker
It came with my PC.
It plane lee marks four my revue
Miss steaks aye can knot see.

Eye ran this poem threw it.
Your sure real glad two no.
Its very polished in its weigh,
My checker tolled me sew.

A checker is a blessing.
It freeze yew lodes of thyme.
It helps me right awl stiles two reed,
And aides me when aye rime.

Each frays comes posed up on my screen
Eye trussed too bee a joule.
The checker pours o'er every word
To cheque sum spelling rule.

Bee fore a veiling checkers
Hour spelling mite decline,
And if we're laks oar have a laps,
We wood bee maid too wine.

Butt now bee cause my spelling
Is checked with such grate flare,
There are know faults with in my cite,
Of nun eye am a wear.

Now spelling does not phase me,
It does knot bring a tier.
My pay purrs awl due glad den
With wrapped words fare as hear.

To rite with care is quite a feet
Of witch won should be proud,
And wee mussed dew the best wee can,
Sew flaws are knot aloud.

Sow ewe can sea why aye dew prays
Such soft wear four pea seas,
And why eye brake in two averse
Buy righting want too please.

No offense, but you ran should over the grammar chequer.
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  #6  
Old April 23rd, 2006, 08:18 PM
Mr Bean's Avatar
Mr Bean Mr Bean is offline
Dw i ddim yn hoffi eira
 
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Location: Barrie, Ontario (formerly Penperlleni, Cymru)
Age: 52
Posts: 4,954
Quinquereme of Nineveh from distant Ophir,
Rowing home to haven in sunny Palestine,
With a cargo of ivory,And apes and peacocks,
Sandalwood, cedarwood, and sweet white wine.

Stately Spanish galleon coming from the Isthmus,
Dipping through the Tropics by the palm-green shores,
With a cargo of diamonds,Emeralds, amethysts,Topazes, and cinnamon, and gold moidores.

Dirty British coaster with a salt-caked smoke-stack,
Butting through the Channel in the mad March days,
With a cargo of Tyne coal,Road-rails, pig-lead,
Firewood, iron-ware, and cheap tin trays.
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  #7  
Old April 23rd, 2006, 08:19 PM
black mirror black mirror is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr Bean
Quinquereme of Nineveh from distant Ophir,
Rowing home to haven in sunny Palestine,
With a cargo of ivory,And apes and peacocks,
Sandalwood, cedarwood, and sweet white wine.

Stately Spanish galleon coming from the Isthmus,
Dipping through the Tropics by the palm-green shores,
With a cargo of diamonds,Emeralds, amethysts,Topazes, and cinnamon, and gold moidores.

Dirty British coaster with a salt-caked smoke-stack,
Butting through the Channel in the mad March days,
With a cargo of Tyne coal,Road-rails, pig-lead,
Firewood, iron-ware, and cheap tin trays.

Thats a nice poem
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  #8  
Old April 23rd, 2006, 08:21 PM
Mr Bean's Avatar
Mr Bean Mr Bean is offline
Dw i ddim yn hoffi eira
 
Join Date: May 2004
O/S: Windows XP Pro
Location: Barrie, Ontario (formerly Penperlleni, Cymru)
Age: 52
Posts: 4,954
Culture

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  #9  
Old April 23rd, 2006, 09:07 PM
Jintan's Avatar
Jintan Jintan is offline
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Google culture. By heart, Bean only knows, "There once was a lady from Brighton..."



'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe.
All mimsy were the borogoves
And the mome raths outgrabe.

"Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!"

He took his vorpal sword in hand,
Longtime the manxome foe he sought-
Then rested he by the Tumtum tree,
And stood awhile in thought.

And, as in uffish thought he stood,
The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood
And burbled as it came!

One, two! One, two! And through and through
His vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
He went gallumphing back.

"And hast thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
Oh, frabjous day, calloo, callay!"
He chortled in his joy.

'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe.
All mimsy were the borogoves
And the mome raths outgrabe.

Lewis Carroll (1832-1898)
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  #10  
Old April 23rd, 2006, 09:09 PM
Nick Grana's Avatar
Nick Grana Nick Grana is offline
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Culture? Grows in a dish doesn't it?
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  #11  
Old April 23rd, 2006, 09:17 PM
Jintan's Avatar
Jintan Jintan is offline
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I do think that was a pleasant tome there, Beano. Reminds me of the classic "Cadwch Cymru yn lan."
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  #12  
Old April 23rd, 2006, 09:19 PM
black mirror black mirror is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tom
I do think that was a pleasant tome there, Beano. Reminds me of the classic "Cadwch Cymru yn lan."
It has been a long time since i heard your contribution Tom
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  #13  
Old April 24th, 2006, 02:17 AM
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Harrie Harrie is offline
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Annabel Lee
by: Edgar Allen Poe

It was many and many a year ago,
In a kingdom by the sea,
That a maiden there lived whom you may know
By the name of Annabel Lee;
And this maiden she lived with no other thought
Than to love and be loved by me.

I was a child and she was a child,
In this kingdom by the sea;
But we loved with a love that was more than love-
I and my Annabel Lee;
With a love that the winged seraphs of heaven
Coveted her and me.

And this was the reason that, long ago,
In this kingdom by the sea,
A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling
My beautiful Annabel Lee;
So that her highborn kinsman came
And bore her away from me,
To shut her up in a sepulchre
In this kingdom by the sea.

The angels, not half so happy in heaven,
Went envying her and me-
Yes!- that was the reason (as all men know,
In this kingdom by the sea)
That the wind came out of the cloud by night,
Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee.

But our love it was stronger by far than the love
Of those who were older than we-
Of many far wiser than we-
And neither the angels in Heaven above,
Nor the demons down under the sea,
Can ever dissever my soul from the soul
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee.

For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And the stars never rise but I feel the bright eyes
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side
Of my darling- my darling- my life and my bride,
In the sepulchre there by the sea,
In her tomb by the side of the sea.
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  #14  
Old April 24th, 2006, 02:42 AM
Pi rules's Avatar
Pi rules Pi rules is offline
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Sorry it's a bit long...
Poe, E.
Near a Raven
Midnights so dreary, tired and weary. Silently pondering volumes extolling all by-now obsolete lore. During my rather long nap - the weirdest tap! An ominous vibrating sound disturbing my chamber's antedoor. "This", I whispered quietly, "I ignore". Perfectly, the intellect remembers: the ghostly fires, a glittering ember. Inflamed by lightning's outbursts, windows cast penumbras upon this floor. Sorrowful, as one mistreated, unhappy thoughts I heeded: That inimitable lesson in elegance - Lenore - is delighting, exciting...nevermore.
Ominously, curtains parted (my serenity outsmarted), And fear overcame my being - the fear of "forevermore". Fearful foreboding abided, selfish sentiment confided, As I said, "Methinks mysterious traveler knocks afore. A man is visiting, of age threescore."
Taking little time, briskly addressing something: "Sir," (robustly) "Tell what source originates clamorous noise afore? Disturbing sleep unkindly, is it you a-tapping, so slyly? Why, devil incarnate!--" Here completely unveiled I my antedoor--Just darkness, I ascertained - nothing more.
While surrounded by darkness then, I persevered to clearly comprehend. I perceived the weirdest dream...of everlasting "nevermores". Quite, quite, quick nocturnal doubts fled - such relief! - as my intellect said, (Desiring, imagining still) that perchance the apparition was uttering a whispered "Lenore". This only, as evermore.
Silently, I reinforced, remaining anxious, quite scared, afraid, While intrusive tap did then come thrice - O, so stronger than sounded afore. "Surely" (said silently) "it was the banging, clanging window lattice." Glancing out, I quaked, upset by horrors hereinbefore, Perceiving: a "nevermore".
Completely disturbed, I said, "Utter, please, what prevails ahead. Repose, relief, cessation, or but more dreary 'nevermores'?" The bird intruded thence - O, irritation ever since! -Then sat on Pallas' pallid bust, watching me (I sat not, therefore), And stated "nevermores".
Bemused by raven's dissonance, my soul exclaimed, "I seek intelligence; Explain thy purpose, or soon cease intoning forlorn 'nevermores'!" "Nevermores", winged corvus proclaimed - thusly was a raven named? Actually maintain a surname, upon Pluvious seashore? I heard an oppressive "nevermore".
My sentiments extremely pained, to perceive an utterance so plain, Most interested, mystified, a meaning I hoped for. "Surely," said the raven's watcher, "separate discourse is wiser. Therefore, liberation I'll obtain, retreating heretofore -Eliminating all the 'nevermores' ".
Still, the detestable raven just remained, unmoving, on sculptured bust. Always saying "never" (by a red chamber's door). A poor, tender heartache maven - a sorrowful bird - a raven! O, I wished thoroughly, forthwith, that he'd fly heretofore. Still sitting, he recited "nevermores".
The raven's dirge induced alarm - "nevermore" quite wearisome. I meditated: "Might its utterances summarize of a calamity before?" O, a sadness was manifest - a sorrowful cry of unrest; "O," I thought sincerely, "it's a melancholy great-furthermore,Removing doubt, this explains 'nevermores' ".
Seizing just that moment to sit - closely, carefully, advancing beside it, Sinking down, intrigued, where velvet cushion lay afore. A creature, midnight-black, watched there - it studied my soul, unawares. Wherefore, explanations my insight entreated for. Silently, I pondered the "nevermores".
"Disentangle, nefarious bird! Disengage - I am disturbed!" Intently its eye burned, raising the cry within my core. "That delectable Lenore - whose velvet pillow this was, heretofore, Departed thence, unsettling my consciousness therefore. She's returning - that maiden - aye, nevermore."
Since, to me, that thought was madness, I renounced continuing sadness. Continuing on, I soundly, adamantly forswore: "Wretch," (addressing blackbird only) "fly swiftly - emancipate me!" "Respite, respite, detestable raven - and discharge me, I implore!" A ghostly answer of: "nevermore".
" 'Tis a prophet? Wraith? Strange devil? Or the ultimate evil?" "Answer, tempter-sent creature!", I inquired, like before. "Forlorn, though firmly undaunted, with 'nevermores' quite indoctrinated, Is everything depressing, generating great sorrow evermore? I am subdued!", I then swore.
In answer, the raven turned - relentless distress it spurned. "Comfort, surcease, quiet, silence!" - pleaded I for. "Will my (abusive raven!) sorrows persist unabated? Nevermore Lenore respondeth?", adamantly I encored. The appeal was ignored.
"O, satanic inferno's denizen -- go!", I said boldly, standing then. "Take henceforth loathsome "nevermores" - O, to an ugly Plutonian shore! Let nary one expression, O bird, remain still here, replacing mirth. Promptly leave and retreat!", I resolutely swore. Blackbird's riposte: "nevermore".
So he sitteth, observing always, perching ominously on these doorways. Squatting on the stony bust so untroubled, O therefore. Suffering stark raven's conversings, so I am condemned, subserving, To a nightmare cursed, containing miseries galore. Thus henceforth, I'll rise (from a darkness, a grave) --nevermore!


Bonus points to whomever determines why I would like this poem.
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  #15  
Old April 24th, 2006, 03:19 AM
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zipulrich zipulrich is offline
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It's Raining Pigs and Noodles by Jack Prelutsky

It's raining pigs and noodles,
It's pouring frogs and hats,
Chrysanthemums and poodles,
Bananas, brooms, and cats.
Assorted prunes and parrots
Are dropping from the sky,
Here comes a bunch of carrots,
Some hippopotami.


It's raining pens and pickles,
And eggs and silverware.
A flood of figs and nickels
Is falling through the air.
I see a swan, a sweater,
A clock, a model train--
I like this so much better
Than when it's raining rain.
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