Toddler Diet

[dammit]

People
are always on the lookout for a new diet. The trouble with most diets is that
you don't get enough to eat (the starvation diet), you don't get enough
variation ( the liquid diet) or you go broke (the all-meat diet). Consequently,
people tend to cheat on their diets, or quit after 3 days. Well, now there's the
new Toddler Miracle Diet! Over the years you may have noticed that most two
years olds are trim. Now the formula to their success is available to all in
this new diet. You may want to consult you doctor before embarking on this diet,
otherwise, you may be seeing him afterwards. Good luck!

DAY ONE----

Breakfast: One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with strawberry jam. Eat 2
bites of egg, using your fingers; dump the rest on the floor. Take 1 bite of
toast, then smear the jam over your face and clothes.

Lunch:
Four crayons (any color), a handfull of chips, and a glass of milk ( 3
sips only, then spill the rest)

Dinner:
A dry stick, 3 coins, 4 sips of flat Pepsi.

Bedtime
snack: Throw a piece of toast on the kitchen floor...........

DAY TWO----

Breakfast: Pick up stale toast from kitchen floor and eat it. Drink half
bottle of vanilla extract or one vial of vegetable dye.

Lunch:
Half a tube of "Pulsating Pink" lipstick and a handfull of Purina Dog Food (any
flavor). One ice cube, if desired.

Afternoon Snack: Lick an all-day sucker untill sticky, take outside, drop
in dirt. Retrieve and continue slurping until it is clean again. Then bring
inside and drop on the rug.

Dinner:
A rock or an uncooked bean, which should be thrust up your left nostril. Pour
grape Kool-Aid over mashed potatoes; eat with a spoon.

DAY THREE----

Breakfast: Two pancakes with plenty of syrup, eat one with fingers, rub
in hair. Glass of milk; drink half, stuff other pancake in glass. After
breakfast, pick up yesterdays sucker from rug, lick off fuzz, put it on the
cushion of your best chair.

Lunch:
Three matches, peanut butter and jam sandwich. Spit several bites onto the
floor. Pour glass of milk on table and slurp up.

Dinner:
Dish of ice cream, handfull of chips, some red punch. Try to laugh some
punch through nose, if possible.

FINAL DAY----

Breakfast: A quarter tube of toothpaste (any flavor), bit of soap, an
olive. Pour a glass of milk over bowl of cornflakes, add half a cup of sugar..
Once cereal is soggy, drink milk and feed cereal to dog.

Lunch:
Eat bread crumbs off kitchen floor and dining room carpet. Find that sucker and
finish eating it.

Dinner:
A glass of spaghetti and chocolate milk. Leave meatball on plate. Stick of
mascara for dessert.

[Snurfen]

brilliant.

[chapper]

Really a GOOD one Thanks

[Jintan]

[PurestLight]

lolol cute!

[kix4funchick]

HAHAHAHA! Cute one.

b(^b^)