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Jokes Forum Looking for a laugh and a giggle ? Post your jokes and gags here. Please add *Adult* to the subject title if the joke is of an adult nature. Anything obscene will be removed immediately.

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  #1  
Old May 17th, 2005, 02:55 PM
The Dude's Avatar
The Dude The Dude is offline
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Posts: 6,355
Talking Simple Remedies

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be almost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache.



Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:

You only need two tools... WD-40 and Duct Tape.

- If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40.

- If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.



And remember...

1. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

2. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.

3. If you woke up breathing, CONGRATULATIONS! You get another chance.
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  #2  
Old May 18th, 2005, 09:35 AM
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dohray dohray is offline
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Excellent medical advice dude.
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  #3  
Old May 18th, 2005, 10:35 AM
NealM NealM is offline
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Location: Cheshire. . . England
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  #4  
Old May 18th, 2005, 11:35 AM
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wingsoffire wingsoffire is offline
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I like the last one best I shall use it if ever conversation lulls.
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