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Jokes Forum Looking for a laugh and a giggle ? Post your jokes and gags here. Please add *Adult* to the subject title if the joke is of an adult nature. Anything obscene will be removed immediately.

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  #1  
Old September 17th, 2004, 03:05 PM
lufbra lufbra is offline
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Talking Church Bulletin Bloopers

Associate Pastor personal counseling and hands-on healing available by appt. Tuesday mornings after his wife leaves.

If you have prayer request or special need please contact the church office at 660-9288 Monday through Friday 9:00 am to 3:00 pm, or Sundays before morning service.

(Please read the announcements after we tell you where to go)

SUNDAY SCHOOL 9:00 am to 9:45 am
Adults and children ages 4 to 12
Teens can get it at Fellowship Hall

MORNING WORSHIP 10:00 am



* * * Special Announcements * * *

Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

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Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan in preparing for the girth of their first child.

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The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.

The Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.

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The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

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We need volunteers for summer camp. There will be sinning and dancing.

Tuesday at 4 p.m. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

This evening there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

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The cost for attending this week's "Fasting and Prayer" conference includes meals.

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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10:00. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7:00 p.m. Please use the back door.

Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.


On Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the expenses of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet, please come forward and get a piece of paper at the end of the service.

This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

The associate minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."

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Weight Watchers will meet at 7:00 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday.

The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start (quietly) and the rest of the congregation will join in.

This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the alter.

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Thursday at 5 p.m. there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become Little Mothers, please see the minister in his private study.

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Wednesday, the Ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will sing "Put Me In My Little Bed" accompanied by the pastor.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

Thursday night-potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.

Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.

The sermon this morning is "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight is "Searching for Jesus."

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

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Miss Charlene Mason sang "I Will Not Pass This Way Again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
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  #2  
Old September 17th, 2004, 03:34 PM
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dammit dammit is offline
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  #3  
Old September 17th, 2004, 07:46 PM
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renegade600 renegade600 is offline
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  #4  
Old October 19th, 2021, 01:20 AM
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The Dude The Dude is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lufbra
If you have prayer request or special need please contact the church office at 660-9288 Monday through Friday 9:00 am to 3:00 pm, or Sundays before morning service.
I dont see a blooper in that one

Ah man!!
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  #5  
Old October 25th, 2021, 07:31 PM
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Ned Seagoon Ned Seagoon is offline
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After church last Sunday a woman by the name of Helen Hunt found a lady’s pocketbook.

So if you lost your pocketbook, go to Helen Hunt for it. Thank you.
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  #6  
Old October 25th, 2021, 10:41 PM
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Jaytee Jaytee is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ned Seagoon View Post
After church last Sunday a woman by the name of Helen Hunt found a lady’s pocketbook.

So if you lost your pocketbook, go to Helen Hunt for it. Thank you.
Blatant misinformation. We all know her brother Mike has it...............
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  #7  
Old October 26th, 2021, 12:09 PM
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Ned Seagoon Ned Seagoon is offline
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Remember not to scratch it in church.
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