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Search: Posts Made By: Ned Seagoon
Forum: Jokes Forum November 25th, 2022, 11:45 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 99
Posted By Ned Seagoon
Birthday Outing

A wife takes her husband to a lap dance club as a present for his birthday.

Doorman at the club "Gdday Jim, hows tricks?"

Wife angrily "How come he knows you?"

Husband "Ummm...Ahhh..he's on...
Forum: Jokes Forum November 24th, 2022, 03:51 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 117
Posted By Ned Seagoon
Second Honeymoon

A Scottish couple decided to go to Spain to thaw out after some particularly cold weather.
They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.
Because of...
Forum: Jokes Forum November 18th, 2022, 01:53 AM
Replies: 0
Views: 272
Posted By Ned Seagoon
The Painter

There was a painter called Harry, who was very interested in making a penny where he could, so he often would thin down paint to make it go a wee bit further. As it happened, he got away with this...
Forum: Jokes Forum November 15th, 2022, 06:20 AM
Replies: 1
Views: 243
Posted By Ned Seagoon
The Little Old Lady

A little old lady checked into a motel on her 75th birthday and as she was a bit lonely she thought, "I'll call one of those men you see advertised in phone books for escorts and sensual massages."...
Forum: Jokes Forum November 13th, 2022, 11:20 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 218
Posted By Ned Seagoon
Couple Sex

An 8-year-old girl went to her grandfather, who was working in the yard, and asked him, "Grandpa, what is couple sex?"
The grandfather was surprised that she would ask such a question but decided...
Forum: Jokes Forum November 8th, 2022, 05:47 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 364
Posted By Ned Seagoon
Chores

A young boy comes down for breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his Mother asks if he has done his chores.

"Not yet," said the little boy.

His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his...
Forum: Jokes Forum November 7th, 2022, 06:37 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 292
Posted By Ned Seagoon
At the Art Gallery (Adult)

At the National Art Gallery in Cardiff, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused.

The painting depicted three black men totally naked, sitting on a bench.
...
Forum: Jokes Forum November 5th, 2022, 04:10 AM
Replies: 1
Views: 348
Posted By Ned Seagoon
Texting for Oldies

The kids have sms codes like lol, ROFL, BFF so here are some for the more matured
ATD at the doctors
BFF best friends funeral
BTW bring the wheelchair
FWIW forgot where i was
GGPBL gotta go...
Forum: Jokes Forum November 4th, 2022, 06:01 AM
Replies: 0
Views: 304
Posted By Ned Seagoon
A good explanation

The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman.

And she was somewhat upset. 'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried. 'How dare you...
Forum: Jokes Forum November 3rd, 2022, 08:31 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 336
Posted By Ned Seagoon
Condom History (Adult)

In 1272 middle eastern Arabs invented the condom, using a goats lower intestine.


In 1873 the British somewhat refined the idea by taking it out of the goat first.
Forum: Jokes Forum November 2nd, 2022, 08:03 AM
Replies: 0
Views: 337
Posted By Ned Seagoon
Golf Lessons (adult)

A young woman had been taking golf lessons. Just after she started playing her first round, she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for help.
...
Forum: Jokes Forum October 31st, 2022, 08:20 AM
Replies: 0
Views: 525
Posted By Ned Seagoon
Garage sale, cordless drills

https://i.imgur.com/j6M1543.png
Forum: Jokes Forum October 27th, 2022, 07:13 AM
Replies: 1
Views: 497
Posted By Ned Seagoon
Online Dating

Where the odds are good.

But the goods are odd.
Forum: Jokes Forum October 26th, 2022, 04:16 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 421
Posted By Ned Seagoon
No Bike (adult)

For his birthday, little Joseph asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, 'Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $680,000 and your mother just lost her job. There's no way...
Forum: Jokes Forum October 22nd, 2022, 07:00 AM
Replies: 1
Views: 557
Posted By Ned Seagoon
Donald Trump Dies

Trump dies from the virus. He goes to Hell where the Devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do," says the Devil. "You're on my list but I have no room for you. But you definitely have...
Forum: Open Discussion October 19th, 2022, 04:49 AM
Replies: 3
Views: 463
Posted By Ned Seagoon
Latest Scam

This one takes the cake, I've just received an email purporting to come from the European Commission advising that I've been selected to receive $450,000 in compensation as I've been acknowledged as...
Forum: Jokes Forum October 17th, 2022, 09:12 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 627
Posted By Ned Seagoon
Going to the Movies

The wife and I just went to the cinema to see that film 'Suffragette'.

Two hours of a woman's struggle... full of tears, aggression, sadness, anger and frustration....

Anyway, after she finally...
Forum: Jokes Forum October 16th, 2022, 08:11 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 558
Posted By Ned Seagoon
John's New Apartment

John rents a new apartment. One day he goes to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox. While there, an attractive young lady comes out of the apartment next to the mailboxes dressed in a robe.
...
Forum: Jokes Forum October 15th, 2022, 03:38 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 690
Posted By Ned Seagoon
Guess the Airline

A bloke is sitting in the bar at a busy airport.
A beautiful woman walks in and sits down next to him.
He presumes, because she's got a uniform on, she's probably an off duty flight attendant.
So...
Forum: Jokes Forum October 7th, 2022, 12:11 PM
Replies: 7
Views: 949
Posted By Ned Seagoon
The Treaty on the Prohibition of Nuclear Weapons...

The Treaty on the Prohibition of Nuclear Weapons opened for signature at the United Nations in New York on 20 September 2017 and entered into force on 22 January 2021.

...
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